Friday, January 13, 2012

Sometimes I can't help but doubt my self. I know I am not alone in this. In fact, the first piece of advice I give new moms is "trust your gut, and don't doubt it just because some questions you." Yet, that is what I am doing yet again.

The situation: my 10 month old baby girl is still pretty much exclusively breast fed. She just began to sit this month. She can not crawl yet. I offer her food, and she forces it out with her tongue. Yes, I have offered different textures, and tastes, and consistencies. I get the same result. She is just a happy little lump! Yes, she is gaining weight. Yes, she is happy. Yes, she is being referred to a development specialist. *sigh*

This is where I doubt my self. She is baby #5, and I have never made it this long with breastfeeding.

Baby #1- At 3 months, I became pregnant with baby #2 (oops!) and he was no longer getting enough from me. I began solids (I regret that decision as he developed a milk sensitivity) All my "support" encouraged me that he was ready. At 5 1/2 months, we made the switch to formula.

Baby #2- At 4 months we began solids. The recommended age at that time was 4 months, and my "support" encouraged me that it was time. At 8 months, he developed pneumonia, and in the treatment of that we discovered he had been loosing weight, too much weight to be lost just as a result of the illness. He was not eating solids well, so the only increase was to supplement with formula. With in a month, he was weaned.
Shortly after this, I saw my doctor, and discovered my Thyroid levels were too low. I now believe this is why my milk was not sufficient. Low thyroid affects the quantity and quality of breast milk.

Baby #3- Baby 3 started wonderfully. At 6 months, we attempted to introduce solids. He began waking even more than he already was. I removed the solids and tried again at 7 months. It went better. He was still waking trough the night every 2 hours. My health was not well. I was having dizzy spells, and my blood pressure was hight. Doubting my self again, I weaned. I hoped that it would make him sleep at night. I was wrong. Baby 3 did not sleep through the night until he was over a year. *sigh*
Looking back, I now realized my health issues began at the same time a switch was made in the brand of my Thyroid medication.

Baby #4- Still on the same brand of medication, at 4 months we discovered my son was loosing weight. I was determined to continue breastfeeding. My doctor asked how I felt about starting solids. At the time, I was dealing with my oldest milk sensitivity, and decided to supplement with formula thinking it would help me continue breast feeding. His weight went up, so we took the formula away. It went down again. He was so happy, but began looking ill.

We made the decision to wean. It broke my heart. I began pumping to mix my breast milk with his formula, and all I got was what looked like blue water.

After this, I began my research, and discovered the possibility of the brand issues in my medication. We discussed it, and I was put back on the original medication.

So now here we are with baby #5. She rolled over right at 4 months, but has always had less head control than my other babies. After 5 babies, I thought she would be a I am second guessing my self. I can't help but be concerned that maybe she needs more.....maybe I am doing something wrong.....Maybe if I started solids earlier.....
My husband assures me that every thing is fine. I have trusted my gut more with her than ever before, but sometimes I can't help but doubt myself.....

Ever have days like that?